As many of you know, I had a nasty little band of scar tissue on my hoo-ha from Micah's birth. Ironically, I barely tore at all during labor/delivery, and the tear was so minor that it did not require stitches. However, while I was healing, somehow, the side with the very minor superficial tear managed to heal attached to the other side. I probably should have been paying closer attention - merely separating things before they healed probably could have done the trick! But, alas, I really didn't pay much attention to what was happening down there in the weeks after Micah's birth, and by my 6 week appointment, the damage was done. My midwife suggested that we should just proceed with caution when we had sex, and that it would all loosen up with time.
Well, DH and I have tried sex a number of times since Micah's birth . . . with very limited success. The first few attempts, I was in too much discomfort, so I stopped him. We had success 2 or 3 times, but I was uncomfortable the whole time, and frankly, just waited for it to end. I thought we should work on stretching things out, but frankly, it just hurt, so it was easier not to bother doing anything! Add to that my exhaustion level and lack of interest . . . well, let's just say we have not put much effort into sex since . . . March? At the end of March, I went to my RE for a fluid sonogram to check out Frank. I explained my scar tissue situation and asked him to proceed carefully. Well, my RE took one look at the band of scar tissue and told me it was "totally unnecessary for me to put up with that nonsense" and he instructed me to call my OB/GYN and have it removed. It was my most unpleasant visit with the magic wand to date - it hurt!
On the one hand, my RE's suggestion seemed reasonable. The thought of having sex again and quickly removing the problem seemed to make a lot of sense. I also knew there was no way to go through IF treatments again with that band of scar tissue in place. On the other hand . . . removal of tissue required a needle, and well, I go to great lengths to avoid needles! DH wanted me to go get it done immediately. I told DH I'd discuss it with my GYN at my annual appointment . . . in May. Like a good husband, he agreed to wait. Patiently.
We meant to try to have sex a few more times. Frankly, I started to think the band of scar tissue had relaxed (or stretched during the fluid ultrasound) and that it was no longer an issue. But, I preferred not to find out. I ran out of medication a few weeks ago, which finally prompted me to schedule my appointment with my GYN. I went in last Monday, prepared to discuss the band of scar tissue with her. I explained the situation, and she took a look, which prompted an "Oh yeah, that is strange" response. She tried to do a pap smear, however, I jumped through the roof at her first attempt to insert the speculum. Turns out, my hoo-ha was still broken. She suggested "taking care of it" on the spot. Naturally, as every true needle-phobic person would do, I freaked out. She agreed not to do it then, and tried to do the pap smear with the smaller speculum. Failure again.
After tears and negotiation, she agreed to let me go home and come back on Wednesday, but she refused to renew my prescriptions until she took care of the tissue and gave me my pap smear. She wrote me a prescription for some numbing gel, and suggested I topically numb the area before she inserted the needle to numb it completely. I went home, and spent the next 24 hours thinking of excuses to cancel or postpone, and thought about whether I really needed my PCOS medicine. I mentioned to DH that I was going to skip the procedure, and he looked at me and said "I haven't had sex in 2 months, you are DOING that PROCEDURE on WEDNESDAY." On that note, I decided to bite the bullet. I kept thinking the numbing cream worked so well for IVF that it would get me through the shot in my hoo-ha, too.
DH picked up the numbing gel for me, and I applied it liberally. Unfortunately, I didn't think it felt all that numb when I got to my appointment, which made me decidedly uneasy. I got in to the appointment, and she took me back to the room. She got out the tiniest syringe she could find. It really was bitty, and a normal person would not have worried much at all. Of course, I'm not normal. I panicked, and whined, and got freaked out, and then braced myself. She quickly stuck me and injected the spot. I winced a bit, but in truth, it was just a tiny little pinch followed by a second long slight burn, and then nothing. Nevertheless, I was freaked out, and I wanted to RUN. Then, I started to panic that the cutting would hurt. I didn't FEEL numb, so I got all worked up and did not believe the doctor that it would not hurt. She got all prepped to cut, and I kept telling her to wait. I finally told her to go ahead and cut . . . and I felt nothing. I made such a big stink about nothing. It was done in no time. She said I was bleeding a lot, and she said she was going to use silver nitrate. She said something about burning, and I freaked out again. I asked her if I would hurt, and she said "you didn't feel the cutting, you certainly won't notice this." She was right - again. I was being such a total wuss! She said everything was much better, and she was able to do my pap smear without any issues.
I left the procedure prepared to hurt. Much to my surprise, I did not start hurting later that day . . . or the next day. I had a fair amount of discomfort while healing post-birth, so I thought this would hurt, too. Luckily, it has not been a big deal. The spotting seems to have stopped, and I am only mildly sore to the touch. But, once again, logic takes a back seat to fear. I'm afraid to give DH the okay for sex . . . what if it hurts? I'm not fond of pain down there, and I have discovered I have a very low tolerance for it.
So, ladies . . . what do you say? Is it time to take my hoo-ha for a test drive? (That is, if I can stay awake and in a good mood long enough!!)
#RenoByStyleberry (soooo close to done!)
4 months ago