Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Going Crazy


I forgot how hard this part is. On Sunday night, I switched from the Natural Progesterone Cream to the Crinone gel I used with my last pregnancy. I have enough progesterone for 6 days, so I decided to use it.

I woke up on Monday morning, and actively decided NOT to POAS. I didn't want to spend the day comparing lines on tests, or getting upset because I *thought* the test line looked lighter than the day before. I decided to call some doctors and see if I could get the progesterone, an early ultrasound at 6 weeks, and possibly some betas. My first call was to the midwives - I left a message, and waited for them to call back. And waited. And waited. And waited. I was cramping and uncomfortable, and spent the whole day wondering if I SHOULD POAS. I don't think my attempt to avoid POAS helped my psyche any...

To be honest, I really did not just sit at home and wait all day. It was a federal holiday, and Micah was not in daycare. DH & I took him to a special "Columbus Day" performance at our favorite music class, and we got to spend time with some friends. We came home and he napped for 3 1/2 hrs!! While he was napping, the midwife (the one who delivered Micah) called me back. She said I should come in on Tuesday, and she'd order betas and they'd get me a prescription for progesterone. She also said they would be happy to write me a script for an early ultrasound (at 6 weeks) to verify a heartbeat.

I spotted a bit on Monday night (can we say freak out?) and I debated taking an HPT to see if I was still getting a +HPT. I resisted the urge, and hung on until morning.

Naturally, Tuesday was insane. I had to leave in the afternoon for a conference in Miami. To make matters worse, I had forgotten that my driver's license expired (I learned that on my last trip when they weren't going to let me through the airport), so I had to get up early to get it renewed. I was up and out of the house before 8:00 am. I waited in line forever, finally got it renewed, and then went racing down to my appointment. Naturally, traffic was HORRIBLE - it took me 45 minutes to make a 15 minute trip. I finally got to the office, and DH was there waiting with Micah (he needed to hand Micah off so he could go to a meeting). Unfortunately, Micah had a big old stinky diaper going on (DH conveniently didn't smell it), and he did not want to sit still while mommy had an appointment. Oh - and did I mention it was Micah's nap time AND DH forgot to bring a bottle for me to feed him? I got my exam (everything looks "normal"), I got my progesterone script, I got an u/s script, and I got a script for 2 betas. After struggling with Micah the entire appointment, I took him to the car, strapped him in, and had a decision to make - we had class at 11:45, and it was already 11:00. I was 10 minutes from my house, and 15 minutes from Micah's class. I needed to decide if I should go straight to class, or try to drive home (10 minutes), get a bottle and some lunch food for him to try and feed him in class, then drive back to the class (about 20 minutes away). I knew from experience, going home would mean Micah would wake, up, not nap well, and we would be late for class. I decided to hope Micah napped and could hold out for his bottle until after we got home from class.

Instead, I drove up to the class, stopped for gas (I was on empty and needed a refill to get to the airport), and then realized I was STARVING and stopped for some lunch (Burger King was the only drive-through in the veggie burger it was!). Naturally, I was late getting to class. We went inside, and Micah had fun, but he was very clingy - probably hungry. After class, Micah had a total melt down on the way home - he was sobbing as if to say "Mommy, I'm starving and going to DIE if you don't give me a bottle." It was heartbreaking - I kept telling him I was trying to get him a bottle, but he just did not understand.

When we got home, I realized that it was already 1:15. I gave Micah his bottle, fed him lunch, and started to try and plan the rest of my day. I knew I needed to leave for the airport by 3:30, and somewhere in there I had to finish packing and go get bloodwork done. I called DH, and he said he'd "try" to be back by 2. I was upset, because DH is ALWAYS late. So I called my mom, told her I needed to get bloodwork done, and asked if she could come by (she was taking off work early anyway to take my dad to an appointment near our house). She asked if something was wrong, and I LIED. I felt terrible - I said I needed to have some bloodwork done for the fertility center on certain cycle days, and I hadn't realized it would coincide with my trip, so it was a last minute thing. When DH heard I had asked my parents because I didn't think he'd get back in time, he insisted he would be there and made me cancel my arrangement with my parents.

Much to my surprise, DH showed up relatively on time...only 10 minutes late. I still had to finish packing and load up the car and then I ran off to get bloodwork done. I actually got in and out pretty quickly, and the woman did a pretty good job drawing blood. I headed to the airport, only to find out my flight was delayed 30 minutes. We finally took off, and the flight seemed to last forever. My stomach was bothering me, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. About 15 minutes before landing, the girl in the seat next to me accidentally ate some salmon (she tasted something the little old lady at the end of our row offered her)...and she is allergic to salmon! She had an epi pen, but didn't know how to use it (apparently, her parents had always administered it in the past). The flight attendants were freaking out when she asked if someone else could give her the shot, so I stepped up and offered to do it. I mean, how much different could it be than a Follistim pen? Or any of the bazillion other shots I've done. So I grabbed the pen, quickly skimmed the directions, ripped the top off, lined it up, gave her warning and hit the trigger. I had benadryl around, so I gave her some of that.

She was worried about what to do when she landed, so I told her I'd call my friend (with whom I was staying) who is a thoracic surgeon and double check with her what she had to do next. Upon landing, I called my friend who said it was all good, but encouraged her to continue taking benadryl for the next 24 hours. I felt like such a mom - I was explaining to this girl how to transfer her prescription refill down, and I gave her benadryl to take with her, and I made sure she found her boyfriend who was picking her up. She seemed so scared - she was only 22!!

Anyway, last night I went out with my friend to dinner - we ate at a place called Yuca, and it was delicious. I was so exhausted, though, and when I got back to her condo, my stomach was really upset. I did some work, then went to bed at 1:30.

We woke up this morning, grabbed breakfast together, then I came to the conference. I've been sitting in boring meetings all day. I've been so anxious about my beta - on the last break, I finally called and asked if I would get the results today. I have to say, I nearly killed the assistant when she said "yes, I have your results, but I cannot tell you what they say - the midwife has to review it and get back to you." Seriously? I told her I didn't need a medical opinion. Just the number. Or better yet, fax me the entire sheet and I'll figure it out. No here I wait, going crazy.

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