I haven't been up for posting much lately - I have so much swirling around in my head, and I don't exactly know where to begin. I think I'm just a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on right now. I think I'm feeling a bit out of control...as my mom says, when man plans, G-d laughs. I think G-d is having quite a good chuckle at my expense this week.
Ironically, I spent most of this pregnancy expecting (and worrying about) pre-term labor. I'm officially 37 weeks pregnant right now, and we are "out of the woods" so to speak. Now, I think my biggest fear is that this baby will stay put forever and I'll be overdue! I've been doing everything I can to clean the house and be prepared. We finally dug all the junk out of our bedroom and the house is about as in-order as it will be. I arranged for child care for Micah when I go into labor, we've got our birth plan in place and I've got our schedule all written out.
Unfortunately, yesterday a wrench was thrown into my plans...and a whole new worry fell on my plate. My mom was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance yesterday afternoon, and they still do not know what is wrong. She was nauseated and sick and it just wouldn't stop. It came on suddenly - I was on the phone with her only an hour or two before making plans with her to come join us for dinner. I was extremely worried because it is not like my mom to call an ambulance - I knew she must have been horribly sick to go in an ambulance.
When she arrived at the hospital, they were concerned about a virus or an infection initially, so I've been unable to go visit her (she was actually placed in isolation). Since yesterday, they seem to have ruled out any infections, but they do not know exactly what is wrong. One theory is a drug interaction...she started a new medication a few weeks ago, and it might be causing all of this sickness. The only other theory on the table right now seems to be a problem called gastroparesis. I've looked into this online (and called a few doctor friends) and this does NOT appear to be good news. It is incurable, and the long-term prognosis is pretty scary. Most of the medications and options are only "temporary" fixes. I'm worried and scared because I *need* my mom to be around a very long time, and I want her to continue to enjoy a full and quality life.
So, on top of all the worries about my mom and her long-term well-being, I am having an immediate selfish reaction, too. I want my mom to be there with me when I give birth. She was such a huge help during labor last time, and I want her to be there right away to meet her newest granddaughter - and right now, she can't be there. I just know that I will go into labor when she is out of commission, and I'm a bit worried about doing all of this without her (and I also don't want her to miss out, either, because I know she wants to be a part of it all). I know that I will have DH there, but it really was a 2-person effort (okay, 3 counting the midwife) to get me through the last time. I also feel better knowing that after I deliver, my mom will be there with my Dad in the evenings to feed Micah and put him to bed.
Now I'm torn - I'm physically ready to have this baby, but I kind of want her to hang in a bit longer in the hope that my mom can recover and be there. Today was my 37 week appointment. I am over 70% effaced and 1-2 cm dilated. The baby has dropped (she did not say what station, but the baby is much lower and engaged). My belly is now measuring at 34 weeks (down 1 cm from last week). I've been spotting like crazy all day and having contractions. It kind of hurts for me to stand because of all the pressure. I also received some bad news at the appointment - I tested positive for Group B Strep :(. That means they would like to recommend that I take IV antibiotics during labor. I'm very torn - the studies about the benefits of IV antibiotics are mixed. It is the standard recommendation, and part of me knows that it would be better for the baby to take the antibiotics. But...I just don't know that I can do the IV because of my phobia. We are talking to the midwives to see if they will prescribe a course of oral antibiotics for me to start taking now. It is not the recommended course, but I would feel like it was a fair compromise. I tend to have short labors - the greatest risk for spreading infection is longer labor, and I barely had 6 hours from when my water broke to when Micah was born the last time around. Something else for me to worry about, right?
I'm still worried about how to deal with 2 children, and our child care situation for next year, and how we can balance all that is going on with our home renovations. We are supposed to be putting my condo on the market this week - I sure hope it sells quickly and that we are able to break ground quickly, move without incident, and get a 3 bedroom place before Twoey outgrows our bedroom. I'm having a hard time seeing how everything is going to fall into place.
I also have to take the dog back to the vet tomorrow. Her heart condition has been deteriorating. We increased her dosage of lasix in the hope that the congestion in her lungs would improve. While I've noticed some improvement, she has been waking in the mornings with a cough and she has been breathing heavily. I do not think the vet is going to be able to reduce her medication as we had hoped, and I see another visit to the cardiologist in our future. I wish I knew when we could fit all of this into our crazy life.
I guess on a more upbeat note, I thought I'd share a few stories about Micah. His new favorite pasttime is to put cereal (or fruit) on his eyes. He just takes the food and mushes it in there, and then he laughs! I've been working on teaching him some new "phrases." I've been teaching him to respond "me" (and point to himself) when I ask him "Who is cute?" He seems to get the concept...but our exchange goes more like this...."Micah, who is cute?" "Neee." Yes, Micah says "nee" instead of "me." I've noticed some other signs of growth - he actually lets me wipe his nose without any complaints anymore! In fact, he'll show me he needs his nose wiped, or I can say "Micah, come here and let mommy wipe your nose" and he'll walk right over and let me do what I need to do. I've also been amazed by the way he handles a sippy cup - he'll spin it around until he finds the right angle (right side up). I love watching him twirl the cup around in a circle until he find the perfect position! Another funny story...DH was dressing Micah the other morning. I had given him the clothes and walked into the kitchen to clean up after breakfast. I glanced over at the two of them...and had to point out to DH that I usually preferred to take the pajamas OFF before dressing him! We had a good laugh over that. Finally, our latest challenge has been tempertantrums. Micah is definitely entering the terrible twos. We are finding meal time particularly difficult. He will throw a fit and chuck his food on the floor. I cannot decide if he throws a fit because we let him get too hungry, or if it is because he has very specific wants and we just keep guessing wrong. Either way, it has made meal time a bit of a challenge. Sometimes, it is as simple as giving him the WHOLE pancake instead of cutting it up. Other times, we have to just give up and give him fruit. I hope things get easier.
We have had a few incidents with "aggressive behavior" from Micah. Apparently, he bit another child at daycare on Friday. I think some of his behavior has a lot to do with his lack of language - he gets frustrated and does not know how to express it. I am working on his language and trying to teach him appropriate behaviors. I hope that we can get through this phase soon. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm happy to listen! I'm also a bit concerned about some of these behaviors because of our family history with ADD. I think later this summer I am going to take Micah to get evaluated. I do not think we'll get any type of diagnosis at such a young age, but I'm hoping maybe the doctor can give me some good techniques for managing his behavior and pointing him in a better direction.
Okay - I guess that is all I've got right now. Keep your fingers crossed that everything falls into place and works out better than I have planned. Also, a little good news about my mom tomorrow would be great, too.
18 months in review
2 weeks ago