I've been cranking and complaining for weeks now about how difficult it is to get my work done, and how we need to figure out a childcare solution, and how I wouldn't mind some free time to just get my life back and focus on my work. We have been on the wait list at 3 different daycare centers since June of last year. Today, one of them called and said they have an opening for us, immediately, for Mondays and Fridays.
After all of that . . . I'm feeling incredibly ambivalent about putting him in daycare. I guess I kind of hoped I could make it to 6 months before we had to put him in daycare. And part of me would really prefer to hire a nanny who will watch him in the house so I can come and go as I please and have him right here. But, the nanny option may not be reasonable, and we haven't yet called any of the in-home child care centers. We are talking to a few different people about a possible nanny-share option.
So . . . back to the daycare call. I'm feeling ridiculous! We are only talking about maybe putting him there 3-5 hours on Mondays and Fridays to test the waters and see if that works for us. I should be excited, right? And yet . . . I feel kind of sad. I never intended to be a stay at home mom, but part of me is feeling that no one else will teach him and nurture him like I can. I'm so concerned that putting him in daycare this young will somehow stunt his development. I'm sure every mom goes through this. I've seen so many kids whose parents put them in daycare thrive - I guess it is just harder to process when it is YOUR baby. I hate the thought of him being ignored - what if they don't talk to him or play with him enough? What if he doesn't hear "I love you" enough? Somehow, once they are 6 months old . . . sitting up, playing with stuff, it doesn't seem to bother me as much. But right now . . . he is still so little!
I wish I could do it all!
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