Friday, July 3, 2009

Breastfeeding

After all this time, I'm still breastfeeding Micah. As you know, I actually have not loved breastfeeding, but I continued to do it because I thought it was good for Micah and I was worried about my allergy to the infant formula. When I initially began breastfeeding, I hoped to make it to 3 months, and then if all went well, I would continue to 6 months (if it was convenient). I never really expected to make it this far, and I have to admit that I always thought women who breastfed beyond 6 months were crazy. So, why am I still breastfeeding? I have no idea.

Maybe it is because weaning Micah means he is officially a "big boy" and I'm not ready for that. Maybe it is because I fought so hard for this and Micah is doing so well that I am afraid to rock the boat by introducing formula. Maybe it is because I am afraid he will develop my allergy. Or maybe I'm just not ready to let go. I wish I knew, because I really, truly am sick of all the stuff that comes with breastfeeding - pumping, being tied down, worrying about supply, and frankly the responsibility.

I keep saying "next week" I am going to switch to exclusively bottle-feeding him breast milk during the day, and when my milk supply drops, I'll start replacing with formula and I'll cease pumping. My biggest challenge? I hate pumping, so I don't feel like bottle feeding him and pumping when breast feeding is easier. I could start skipping a session and just give him formula, but I think I'm afraid if I skip a feeding time for a few days, my supply will completely dry up overnight. Part of me keeps waiting for a sign - the doctor to tell me he isn't gaining weight fast enough, or for my supply to suddenly disappear or for Micah to refuse to nurse, but that hasn't happened. So I keep going along and nursing him. Maybe when he is at 7 months, I'll switch to bottle feeding him the frozen stash of breastmilk I have, and when that runs out, I'll start giving him formula? We shall see.

Right now, things are going well. It seems that Micah has dropped from 6 nursing sessions to only 5 most days. Each time I think I've had enough, he makes it easier for me! We'll see how much longer I hang in there.

2 comments:

Raising Twin Girls said...

Hang in there mamma. I know had bad the pumping is...especially since I am an exclusive pumper, but we are doing the best thing for our kids. I want to get to at least 6-9 months and then see what happens from there. I hope to get the girls back at the breast once we get rid of the Thrush, but who knows if they remember how to nurse. LOL
I hope things continue to go well and you are at peace with whatever you decide to do.

Toto said...

Being at peace with it is important, but really, all of your reasons for still bfing are good ones! You're giving him the best that you can........formula is just a replacement. I say hang in as long as you can, you're doing great, you've come so far, and gone through so much! Sending hugs........