Friday, July 3, 2009

Breastfeeding

After all this time, I'm still breastfeeding Micah. As you know, I actually have not loved breastfeeding, but I continued to do it because I thought it was good for Micah and I was worried about my allergy to the infant formula. When I initially began breastfeeding, I hoped to make it to 3 months, and then if all went well, I would continue to 6 months (if it was convenient). I never really expected to make it this far, and I have to admit that I always thought women who breastfed beyond 6 months were crazy. So, why am I still breastfeeding? I have no idea.

Maybe it is because weaning Micah means he is officially a "big boy" and I'm not ready for that. Maybe it is because I fought so hard for this and Micah is doing so well that I am afraid to rock the boat by introducing formula. Maybe it is because I am afraid he will develop my allergy. Or maybe I'm just not ready to let go. I wish I knew, because I really, truly am sick of all the stuff that comes with breastfeeding - pumping, being tied down, worrying about supply, and frankly the responsibility.

I keep saying "next week" I am going to switch to exclusively bottle-feeding him breast milk during the day, and when my milk supply drops, I'll start replacing with formula and I'll cease pumping. My biggest challenge? I hate pumping, so I don't feel like bottle feeding him and pumping when breast feeding is easier. I could start skipping a session and just give him formula, but I think I'm afraid if I skip a feeding time for a few days, my supply will completely dry up overnight. Part of me keeps waiting for a sign - the doctor to tell me he isn't gaining weight fast enough, or for my supply to suddenly disappear or for Micah to refuse to nurse, but that hasn't happened. So I keep going along and nursing him. Maybe when he is at 7 months, I'll switch to bottle feeding him the frozen stash of breastmilk I have, and when that runs out, I'll start giving him formula? We shall see.

Right now, things are going well. It seems that Micah has dropped from 6 nursing sessions to only 5 most days. Each time I think I've had enough, he makes it easier for me! We'll see how much longer I hang in there.

2 comments:

Prather Family said...

Hang in there mamma. I know had bad the pumping is...especially since I am an exclusive pumper, but we are doing the best thing for our kids. I want to get to at least 6-9 months and then see what happens from there. I hope to get the girls back at the breast once we get rid of the Thrush, but who knows if they remember how to nurse. LOL
I hope things continue to go well and you are at peace with whatever you decide to do.

Emah S said...

Being at peace with it is important, but really, all of your reasons for still bfing are good ones! You're giving him the best that you can........formula is just a replacement. I say hang in as long as you can, you're doing great, you've come so far, and gone through so much! Sending hugs........