Big step today

At my last appointment, the midwife "yelled" at us for not enrolling in a birthing class yet. For as ready as I am to be a mommy and to meet this little guy, I guess I am completely avoiding thinking about the birth part of this process. I mean - we haven't even picked out furniture, or decided on a name, or chosen the bedding, or started a registry!! I keep thinking there is so much time for everything later.

For me, I guess the biggest part of thinking about the birthing process is my anxiety over needles. Okay - I'll be honest - it isn't just a general anxiety about needles. Yes, I'll admit it - I have a doctor-certified phobia of needles. And no, going through IVF, I didn't "get over" my needle phobia. My RE had given me a referral to a psychiatrist months ago to deal with this . . . and I've been sitting on the referral.

At our last midwife appointment, we discussed birthing classes. I am planning to try a natural child birth (prompted in large part by my overwhelming phobia of needles - I'd rather feel every contraction and rip than have a needle stuck in my back ANY day). I'm guessing that if I have to have a c-section, they will likely have to knock me unconscious, because I can't imagine how they will get a needle in my back to keep me lucid during a c-section. After our discussion, the midwife recommended that we try a hypnobirthing class. Yes, I agree - it does sound a tad bit "new-age" and crazy to me. I think that is why I've been delaying the process of signing up. The midwife thought it would give me techniques for coping and self-relaxation that would give me more control over my emotions and my response to any needles that will be used during child birth. The concept is appealing to me . . . but part of me thinks I'm too practical and logical for something as "silly" as hypnosis.

DH and I had a long discussion the other night and decided that this is the right choice for us, and we are now committed and trying to get excited about hypnobirthing. Now, if I could just stop chuckling every time I say "hypnobirthing" that would be a vast improvement! I contacted 2 locations, and we have to decide which place we will be taking our class. I plan to sign us up this week.

After tackling the birthing class issue, I realized that part of my aversion to picking a class has a lot to do with my needle phobia. I have been informed (although I am currently choosing not to believe) that I will have to be on IV antibiotics during labor because I am a Strep B carrier. This Strep B issue has thrown a kink in my needle-free birth plan, and has me incredibly anxious. Let's just say I cannot imagine how any anesthesiologist is going to get a needle in me to give me antibiotics I don't particularly want without getting a black eye and possibly losing a few teeth.

Once this obvious connection dawned on me, I decided to take charge of my phobia and call the doctor. Naturally, the doctor was not in, and I left a message. About one hour later, the office manager returned my call. It only took about 3 minutes on the phone with her before I was filled with anxiety and practically in tears. I asked about phobia treatments, and after hearing the long spiel about the cost for treatment, they don't participate with insurance, we have to pay out of pocket, blah blah blah . . . she informs me they plan to treat my needle phobia by bringing me into the office and repeatedly stabbing me with needles until I get over it. Okay, perhaps I am over-simplifying the process a bit, but that was the gist of it. I informed the office manager that I did not think that approach would work for me, and I politely thanked her for her time and hung up the phone. I firmly believe if needle desensitization were going to work for me, going through IUI with injectibles and an IVF would have "cured" me of my phobia, but no such luck.

At this point, my anxiety hit a new peak as the realization dawned on me that I will be going into labor and needing an IV with this phobia looming over me, and no coping mechanisms to help improve the experience for me. About one hour later, the doctor called back to try and convince me that the needle stabbing process would, in fact, benefit me. I just know that nothing she said offered me any comfort. Her philosophy was basically that exposure to the needles would make me see I'm being ridiculous, and I would magically get over when I realize the needles won't kill me. I would not say this doctor conveyed a warm fuzzy feeling. In fact, her thick German accent created visions of a masculine-looking German frau dressed in Nazi garb strapping me to a table and repeatedly (and sadistically) stabbing me with needles and hooking me up to IVs as her wicked and maniacal laughter reverberates around the darkened room. Not that I have a vivid imagination.

While I sat here hyperventilating, I went back and looked at one of the hypnobirthing web sites . . . and realized that one of the locations is a full hypnosis center! I put in a call and left a message about hypnosis and phobias. About one hour ago, the doctor called me back to discuss treatment of phobias. I explained my situation . . . and she seemed sympathetic. She did not laugh, nor did she tell me she would stab me with needles until I got over it. She asked if I knew the root of the problem, and I shared my story with her (short version - bad allergic reaction to an immunization as a child, followed up 6 years later with a bad IV that damaged a nerve in my hand). She talked a lot about emotional energy, and how negative emotions can sometimes override the body's internal logic and control functions. She made me feel that it was possible to take control of my emotions, and release them in a way that would let my logical brain dominate over my fear. I am still not sure if I believe in hypnosis, but on Friday I am going in for my first session to give it a try! I think even if it gives me the confidence to face this, or a few coping techniques, it will be well worth the money and effort.

Call me crazy . . . .

I have come to the conclusion that this baby already has a definite personality - and I am certain he is one stubborn and determined little guy! I first realized this while I was visiting my SIL and the girls during the day. As I sat there going over different birthday cake design options, I kept leaning forward over my computer. Apparently, this little guy did not like me sitting that way (I must have been cramping his style!) so he would kick the heck out of me. When I leaned back, he would calm back down again.

Then, on Friday night we went to services. The woman leading everything . . . well, let's just say if my mom was around, she would have echoed my thoughts that we should call someone to shoot the poor dying animal and put it out of its misery. Well, every time she opened her mouth to sing on her own, the little guy would start kicking and squirming - it felt like he was trying to break out to strangle her. I kept imagining him with his hands over his ears and throwing a little temper tantrum about the awful noise. When the woman stopped singing, he was nice and calm, and when those with beautiful voices were singing, I could feel him dancing and swaying along.

I finally made it home, and I'm fairly certain he helped me cheer on Michael Phelps to victory in yet another historic race (the 100 m butterfly that he won by .01 seconds). My mother watched the Watergate hearings all summer when I was born, and I have always been drawn to politics/litigation/lobbying my whole life, so it could be my current obsessions with Wimbledon, the Olympics, and the upcoming US Open will mean this guy will spend his life striving to achieve some great sports feat. Poor thing. . . I have a feeling he will be at a genetic disadvantage, however, if this is his life's dream.

When I went up to bed, I decided to take out a book and read. As I sat there reading a particular scene in my book that described a touching moment between mother and son, I could have sworn this little guy knew what I was reading. At the right moment, he sort of reached out and touched me, and then kind of swirled around in a way that made me feel like he had just reached out and given me a huge hug! Yes, I know how crazy a thought that is . . . but I stand by it, and I'll blame the pregnancy hormones! I got all teary-eyed and weepy. DH thought I was crying over a cheesey book, and just laughed at me. Of course, I thought that was less embarrassing than what I was thinking, so I kept my mouth shut.

I am pleased to say that I am starting to feel better . . . the cold is gone, and the antibiotics seem to be working on my latest UTI (and perhaps might have nipped my impending sinus infection in the bud). I am loving all the movement I have been feeling from the little one lately - remind me of that later if I start complaining about that!

He felt it!

Last night, DH and I were sitting together on the couch watching the Olympics, and I suddenly started to feel the little one jumping all over the place. He was turning, and kicking, and punching, and it felt like he was having a grand old time entertaining himself! I took DH's hand, and placed it on my lower belly . . . and he said "I feel it!!" We sat like that for a long while. The little guy moved around a few more times, but he was definitely kicking up a storm, and DH finally got to feel him do it!

Of course, I've got a cold (thanks, mom!) and I had a horrible night last night. I hope I manage to get a nap in today and get rid of this cold. On a lighter note, they are supposedly painting the house today, so hopefully we will be making some progress on the renovations (finally)!

The big u/s!!!

Yesterday was our "big" ultrasound! We have been so excited, but we were convinced this baby would not be cooperative and would refuse to show us the goods. Well, it turns out, this baby decided to cooperate!

First, the ultrasound was great. Our technician was so wonderful. The baby was jumping and moving all over the place! I can't believe how much movement I'm NOT feeling yet. All of the measurements were right on . . . right size, heart looking good, kidneys/stomach all perfect, lovely looking spine - just perfect! They estimated the baby might be about 1 day ahead of schedule, but essentially, no reason to change my expected due date!

So, here are some beautiful shots of the baby . . .

Profile pics:


Apparently, the baby already has a sense of humor - here is a scary skull face shot that just creeps me out:



And now . . . drumroll please . . . . the "money" shot:



Yes,

We're thrilled! We have no idea what we are going to do for a name (and we don't plan on sharing before he is born) but we are so excited!! I'm sure one day our son will hate us because we have already posted his first penis picture on the internet!

Fun weekend

This weekend was really relaxing . . . we went to an outdoor concert on Friday night, and had a picnic dinner. I have learned that pregnancy requires better back support when hanging out on the ground for several hours! We had a baby naming on Sunday, and it was great to see so many family friends. We are getting excited for the next week . . . I leave for a business trip to Salt Lake City, then when I come back, we have our big u/s! DH is hoping for a boy . . . I kind of think it is a boy, too. I want one of each, but always thought of having the girl first. I think we are having such a hard time thinking of boys names that it will definitely be a boy!

The good news is both the AFP and my glucose test came back normal, which means so far, both mommy and baby are doing well! I can't believe we are rapidly approaching the 1/2 way point.

On the home front, we are finally making some progress on our home renovation project. The bathroom tiles are all done, I've picked out all the paint for the house, the granite has been decided - we just need to deal with hardware now. I can't wait to finally move in and start getting ready for the baby.