Still Growing Strong!

Today I am 5 weeks 2 days pregnant, and the beta for the day was 4538! I'm so excited that this little bean is growing so well, and I am so hopeful that we will see a perfect little sac, fetal pole, and heartbeat at the ultrasound next week! As I think I keep saying, I still cannot believe this might really be happening for us.

We are currently in the process of renovating our house. We have to start picking the paints soon, and I am eagerly looking forward to decorating the baby's room. I'll probably have to pick a gender-neutral color since we will have to paint the nursery long before we will know if we are having a boy or a girl. I am currently thinking either blue or green, since both of those colors would make a great background for other decorations that would work for either a boy or a girl.

The results are in . . . .

Today I am five weeks pregnant. Unbelievable! I went to the doctor for Beta #2, and the good news is that we have doubling!! The beta came back at 1809 today. So far, this little bean is hanging in there. I cannot even begin to explain the relief that washed over me when I heard the number. I go back for my final beta on Wednesday, then next week is picture day!!

For those of us who struggle with infertility, I think every step of the process is tempered with fear . . . we are so accustomed to bad news that we continue to wait for the "other shoe to drop." We distance ourselves from the joy a bit to prepare for the elusive "bad news" that we somehow believe is inevitably on the way. Rather than every cloud has a silver lining, I think some of us feel that every rainbow has a cloud (or a thunderstorm) lurking nearby.

Little by little, I am slowly starting to let down my guard and experience this joy. I am finally getting accustomed to saying the words . . . "I'm pregnant." In fact, I walk around saying it quite often the past two days. I told the radio this morning. Don't worry, it didn't answer back. I am certain I have now told the dog about 100 times (she mostly just looks bored when I share my news). I believe I also told the mirror. I am thrilled to say the person in the mirror smiled back at the news!

I'm so ready to start buying maternity clothes, and picking out furniture for the baby's room, but . . . again, the fear controls. I am afraid of making too many plans before we see a heartbeat.

Uh oh . . . spotting

Everyone always says spotting is "normal" in early pregnancy, but I'm spotting today, and I'm scared. My symptoms have been much less today, and now the spotting . . . I just hope this isn't the beginning of the end. I think pregnancy takes nerves of steel, and I'm not sure I have nerves of steel.

It is a long wait until my beta results tomorrow afternoon.

Let the worrying begin!

Why is it that every time I sneeze, I worry that I will either sneeze the baby out or crush it? Such a silly thought . . . but it has been plaguing me since the day of transfer (and of course I spent most of the 2ww sick, coughing, and sneezing). I wonder if sneezing will ever become less worrisome?

So this morning I woke up early because I had to go to the bathroom. It seems I can't go more than a few hours without peeing! I walked the dog, and by the time I came back, I was completely nauseated . . . I was SURE I was going to throw up. I think I'm going to have quite a run with morning sickness. Luckily, I got some food in my system, and I am feeling better now.

You would think feeling better is good news, right? Wrong!! Today, I'm not nearly as sore and crampy as yesterday, and my breasts are really not nearly as tender as they have been . . . so of course, I'm worried! Funny how every little thing makes me worry that something is wrong. I hope this feeling subsides after the next 2 betas and the ultrasound.

I was on the phone with my mother a little earlier. She asked if there was anything interesting going on, and I wanted to shout, "I'M PREGNANT!!!" I hope she doesn't guess anything until we tell them next week. So far, I have managed to keep it fairly quiet, but I did spill the beans to the dog. I have to say, she did not seem particularly interested, though, and was more concerned that I was delaying feeding her because of this news.

DH & I are having trouble agreeing on whom we should tell and when. Neither one of us wants to tell anyone before the first ultrasound. I would like to share with my parents, brother, and sister-in-law once we see a heartbeat on the ultrasound. DH, however, is so superstitious - he keeps asking if we can wait to tell everyone until after the baby is born!! I told him he should decide when we tell his family, and I'll decide about mine and we'll wait for everyone else until after the first trimester.

I still can't believe it!

So . . . today I'm 4 weeks 5 days pregnant. My due date is December 29, 2008. I can't believe it is still true! I woke up again and took my last FRER (still positive) and I tried out the new FR Digital Gold just so I could see the "+YES." Now I have to try and relax and believe it will all be okay. I want this so much . . . I'm just so excited and hope this little baby sticks!

Last night I went to my friend's house to finish decorating cookies for a fundraiser. I was cramping and so sore, but I didn't want to give her any sense that I might be pregnant. I sure hope all the cramping is normal! I'm DYING to tell my parents, but DH & I agreed to wait until after the first ultrasound on May 6. I'm thinking of telling them on Mother's Day and giving them a "pregnancy belly" cake that says something like Expecting new arrival on 12/29. DH is worried other people will see, and he isn't sure if he wants to tell my brother and sister-in-law yet (they'll be celebrating Mother's Day with us) because he won't be telling his brothers until June.

I just hope my betas double on Monday and Wednesday and that we see a heartbeat (or heartbeats) on May 6!