After all this time, I'm still breastfeeding Micah. As you know, I actually have not loved breastfeeding, but I continued to do it because I thought it was good for Micah and I was worried about my allergy to the infant formula. When I initially began breastfeeding, I hoped to make it to 3 months, and then if all went well, I would continue to 6 months (if it was convenient). I never really expected to make it this far, and I have to admit that I always thought women who breastfed beyond 6 months were crazy. So, why am I still breastfeeding? I have no idea.
Maybe it is because weaning Micah means he is officially a "big boy" and I'm not ready for that. Maybe it is because I fought so hard for this and Micah is doing so well that I am afraid to rock the boat by introducing formula. Maybe it is because I am afraid he will develop my allergy. Or maybe I'm just not ready to let go. I wish I knew, because I really, truly am sick of all the stuff that comes with breastfeeding - pumping, being tied down, worrying about supply, and frankly the responsibility.
I keep saying "next week" I am going to switch to exclusively bottle-feeding him breast milk during the day, and when my milk supply drops, I'll start replacing with formula and I'll cease pumping. My biggest challenge? I hate pumping, so I don't feel like bottle feeding him and pumping when breast feeding is easier. I could start skipping a session and just give him formula, but I think I'm afraid if I skip a feeding time for a few days, my supply will completely dry up overnight. Part of me keeps waiting for a sign - the doctor to tell me he isn't gaining weight fast enough, or for my supply to suddenly disappear or for Micah to refuse to nurse, but that hasn't happened. So I keep going along and nursing him. Maybe when he is at 7 months, I'll switch to bottle feeding him the frozen stash of breastmilk I have, and when that runs out, I'll start giving him formula? We shall see.
Right now, things are going well. It seems that Micah has dropped from 6 nursing sessions to only 5 most days. Each time I think I've had enough, he makes it easier for me! We'll see how much longer I hang in there.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Post About Me
I spend a lot of time posting about Micah because, frankly, that is why most of you come to read the blog! But today I am making this post all about me. I am thinking of discussing different topics in just a random order, so forgive all the non sequiturs.
Mah Jong. I have recently turned into one of those little old suburban Jewish moms - I started to play Mah Jong. Some of you may have no clue what these two things have to do with each other, but for my Jewish readers, you know that the majority of suburban (and even urban) Jewish mothers and ESPECIALLY grandmothers seem to play mah jong. It is based on a Chinese game that is a lot like Rummy. When I was a child, my mom and her friends used to play mah jong every week. I remember many nights when the ladies would gather around the kitchen talking, laughing, eating (a few of them smoking) and playing all night long. Well, it was probably only until 11 or 12, but at the time it seemed like "all night" because I had to go to bed while they played. In my teen years and even in my 20s, I had no interest in learning how to play. In fact, I'm certain I mocked my mother (and my grandmother) for being "old ladies" because they enjoyed mah jong. I kept thinking of it as a "Jewish mother" or "Jewish grandmother" game. I have no idea when my mockery gave way to interest. Over the past few months, I notice more and more on Facebook that my friends (both single and married) set their status to inform everyone that they are off to play mah jong. Maybe that is what piqued my interest. All I know is that a few weeks ago, when one of the women in my playgroup mentioned something about starting a game, I was excited to learn. For our first weeks, we have been rotating houses and taking advantage of our mah jong playing mothers to teach us how to play. Monday night was my mom's turn. I think we are getting better, and perhaps soon, we'll be all set to play on our own!
Diet. I am so frustrated with myself about my weight. I put on a lot of weight trying to get pregnant, and I thought that because I did not gain weight during the pregnancy, I would be skinny in no time once I gave birth. Wrong! I've been breastfeeding, and while it has not been a source of huge weight loss for me, my biggest fear is that it is the only thing keeping me from gaining massive amounts of weight. I am slowly coming to the end of breastfeeding (I'll save that discussion for another post), and I really need to get my diet back under control so I do not put any weight on when I wean him. Frankly, I need to do more than just avoid gaining weight when I wean Micah - I really need to commit to South Beach again and lose weight. I've been avoiding it for quite a while - I always have an excuse: breastfeeding makes me hungry, I'm going on vacation so I am waiting until I get back, etc., etc. I really do need to just commit to losing weight and taking care of myself. I wish it wasn't so hard!
Exercise. I have been terrible about exercising lately, but I am trying to get back into it. I have gone to the pool to swim my laps a few times in the past few weeks, and I have been desperately trying to attend my yoga class (the one I had to drop when I was put on bedrest). It turns out, failure to exercise for long periods of time results in poor physical shape. Who would have thought? Part of my effort to lose some weight is to get back into good physical shape. I'm working on committing to that process.
Finding me. I really need to continue working on finding me again. Life has gotten easier now that Micah is getting older and we have a daycare solution. I am building time to work into my schedule, and I am slowly building time for a social life into my schedule, too. Now, if I can figure out how to work in the diet and exercise, too, I'd really be on top of things! DH and I have been going out on "date night" on Thursdays. I have been meeting my friends weekly to play mah jong, and I try to take some time out for a walk with a friend or a dinner out once each week. I'm thinking of starting a wine club for my friends - just a fun evening once a month. I really think that I'm on my way to having that perfect balance I am seeking!
TTC. DH and I are talking about ttc again. Part of me is ready right now - I feel like we shouldn't waste time because we had so many challenges and we are not exactly getting any younger, and I definitely want a second baby. At the same time, I am enjoying this time with Micah, and I am not quite ready to deal with another new infant. I'm just now finding that balance, and I fear throwing a new baby wrench into that just yet. We also have to move into a bigger house (or build an addition on this one) to have room for a second baby, so I'm a bit fearful of getting pregnant because we are not quite ready for the added pressure of figuring out our living situation so quickly. Perhaps by the end of the summer, we'll start getting careless, and maybe this Fall we'll ttc naturally (highly unlikely to result in a BFP for us). I think maybe in December or January we will try IUI, but I doubt we'll do another IVF until next August. I guess, realistically, that means I have another year to go before we'll have any real shot of being pregnant again - and I think that might just be perfect.
Mah Jong. I have recently turned into one of those little old suburban Jewish moms - I started to play Mah Jong. Some of you may have no clue what these two things have to do with each other, but for my Jewish readers, you know that the majority of suburban (and even urban) Jewish mothers and ESPECIALLY grandmothers seem to play mah jong. It is based on a Chinese game that is a lot like Rummy. When I was a child, my mom and her friends used to play mah jong every week. I remember many nights when the ladies would gather around the kitchen talking, laughing, eating (a few of them smoking) and playing all night long. Well, it was probably only until 11 or 12, but at the time it seemed like "all night" because I had to go to bed while they played. In my teen years and even in my 20s, I had no interest in learning how to play. In fact, I'm certain I mocked my mother (and my grandmother) for being "old ladies" because they enjoyed mah jong. I kept thinking of it as a "Jewish mother" or "Jewish grandmother" game. I have no idea when my mockery gave way to interest. Over the past few months, I notice more and more on Facebook that my friends (both single and married) set their status to inform everyone that they are off to play mah jong. Maybe that is what piqued my interest. All I know is that a few weeks ago, when one of the women in my playgroup mentioned something about starting a game, I was excited to learn. For our first weeks, we have been rotating houses and taking advantage of our mah jong playing mothers to teach us how to play. Monday night was my mom's turn. I think we are getting better, and perhaps soon, we'll be all set to play on our own!
Diet. I am so frustrated with myself about my weight. I put on a lot of weight trying to get pregnant, and I thought that because I did not gain weight during the pregnancy, I would be skinny in no time once I gave birth. Wrong! I've been breastfeeding, and while it has not been a source of huge weight loss for me, my biggest fear is that it is the only thing keeping me from gaining massive amounts of weight. I am slowly coming to the end of breastfeeding (I'll save that discussion for another post), and I really need to get my diet back under control so I do not put any weight on when I wean him. Frankly, I need to do more than just avoid gaining weight when I wean Micah - I really need to commit to South Beach again and lose weight. I've been avoiding it for quite a while - I always have an excuse: breastfeeding makes me hungry, I'm going on vacation so I am waiting until I get back, etc., etc. I really do need to just commit to losing weight and taking care of myself. I wish it wasn't so hard!
Exercise. I have been terrible about exercising lately, but I am trying to get back into it. I have gone to the pool to swim my laps a few times in the past few weeks, and I have been desperately trying to attend my yoga class (the one I had to drop when I was put on bedrest). It turns out, failure to exercise for long periods of time results in poor physical shape. Who would have thought? Part of my effort to lose some weight is to get back into good physical shape. I'm working on committing to that process.
Finding me. I really need to continue working on finding me again. Life has gotten easier now that Micah is getting older and we have a daycare solution. I am building time to work into my schedule, and I am slowly building time for a social life into my schedule, too. Now, if I can figure out how to work in the diet and exercise, too, I'd really be on top of things! DH and I have been going out on "date night" on Thursdays. I have been meeting my friends weekly to play mah jong, and I try to take some time out for a walk with a friend or a dinner out once each week. I'm thinking of starting a wine club for my friends - just a fun evening once a month. I really think that I'm on my way to having that perfect balance I am seeking!
TTC. DH and I are talking about ttc again. Part of me is ready right now - I feel like we shouldn't waste time because we had so many challenges and we are not exactly getting any younger, and I definitely want a second baby. At the same time, I am enjoying this time with Micah, and I am not quite ready to deal with another new infant. I'm just now finding that balance, and I fear throwing a new baby wrench into that just yet. We also have to move into a bigger house (or build an addition on this one) to have room for a second baby, so I'm a bit fearful of getting pregnant because we are not quite ready for the added pressure of figuring out our living situation so quickly. Perhaps by the end of the summer, we'll start getting careless, and maybe this Fall we'll ttc naturally (highly unlikely to result in a BFP for us). I think maybe in December or January we will try IUI, but I doubt we'll do another IVF until next August. I guess, realistically, that means I have another year to go before we'll have any real shot of being pregnant again - and I think that might just be perfect.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Off to the beach!
Last-minute, DH found a great deal on a condo in Emerald Isle, NC, so we are off for the next week! We will be working and beaching and enjoying ourselves. We decided to leave at night so that Micah can hopefully sleep the entire way there. My parents will be joining us in a few days, and we are hoping for a wonderful vacation! I'll do my best to keep blogging while we are out of town - we'll be driving back next Wednesday, July 8th (just in time to start our music class with the nasty lady - I have a sneaking suspicion asking her for a makeup class would not have gone well).
Video Wednesday
I thought it was time for more Micah video! Hope you enjoy. Just press the triangle on the lower left corner to play.
Nipples
I decided to write a post about nipples. Crazy, right? It is amazing how different my nipples are post-baby. Aside from the fact I've had a nearly constant yeast infection on my nipples since Micah was born, breastfeeding (and perhaps just pregnancy) may have changed my nipples forever. This is not meant as a complaint - it will probably make breastfeeding easier next time around. Before babies, my nipples were rarely . . . shall we say "at attention." I did not have flat nipples, but I also did not have the kind of nipples that were visible unless I was cold (or otherwise getting goosebumps). The instant I got pregnant, my nipples were hard - always out there. It makes disguising them under clothing more . . . challenging. Since breastfeeding, that is even more pronounced. I am not sure if this is a permanent change, or something that will revert once I cease breastfeeding. I think this is another one of those things they do not share with you about pregnancy and motherhood.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
